i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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