My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
