hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
