I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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