and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
