Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize