please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
