Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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