Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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