I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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