Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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