Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
