i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
