last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
sex in a hospital.. check
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
