dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
