I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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