It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Success! We fucked roommates!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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