; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
