We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
