Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
