he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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