About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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