you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
