Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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