Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
