I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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