Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ttyl tear gas
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I love you. Go after that dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
