were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
