You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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