So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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