The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I look better un-naked...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
