You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
