Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
