It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
