How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
