it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
