Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
