I'm going to jail i love you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
