She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
