Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My cat gives me a boner
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
