Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
