I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
