i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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