He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
