dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
