I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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