in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
