Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
