the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
