$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
