i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
