this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
