I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
