The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
